Team Blue or Team Pink?

Monday, June 13th.

We watched in wonder as the ultrasound technician easily navigated the bizarre landscape of alien shapes. Supposedly, these unique, mysterious images were actual parts of our developing baby! Who knew?

"And here we can see the head..."

Yay! Our baby has a head! This is the best day ever!!

Cheekiness aside, the bigger question was...

"Is it a boy or a girl?!"

"Look, here are the arms and legs..." The ultrasound technician continued.

Fascinating, but really, I just want to know...will I be playing "trucks" or "tea party"?! Someday will I be taking a father-son bonding motorcycle trip or walking my precious girl down the aisle?!

Regardless, we had a name already picked out for each. If it was a boy, his name would be "Caden Joseph" (my first name is Joseph/Joe/Joey). If it was a girl, her name would be "Emma Rose" (I kid that the "Rose" part is because we have a lovely rose bush in our yard. But really it's after my mother-in-law, Rose).

After an E-T-E-R-N-I-T-Y (roughly 10 minutes?) the ultrasound tech asked us if we had a preference and what that would be.

Both Jenn (my wifey) and I answered without hesitation...

"Girl"

Of course, it's not that we wouldn't be happy with either. We feel blessed just to be HAVING this little miracle.

The ultrasound tech smiled and said "Well, she's got her legs spread wide open and...I'm not seeing anything."

So with 99.9% certainty, she assured us that we'd be having a baby girl!

We both beamed at the news. All sorts of wonderful daddy-daughter thoughts and images flooded my mind. I forgot all about the trucks and pictured the tea parties, the ballet classes, cheerleading, taking her to Disney World, and of course, walking her down the aisle someday.

Sure, having a boy would have been awesome in many other ways. I know many men who would prefer a rough and tumble boy to a petite, little girl.

But, I wanted a little princess.

Besides, girls can do most of what boys can and lots that boys cannot.

So, maybe if I'm lucky, someday instead of that father-son bonding motorcycle trip I'll have a daddy-daughter bonding motorcycle trip...

whether she'd ride her own bike, or even if she'd rather ride on the back with me :)

Go Team Pink!!!

-- 19 weeks --

How many?

Friday, March 4th.

It had been a few weeks since we found out we were blessed with being pregnant. Now, the next question piquing our curiosity was...

"How many are in there???"

When we had the InVitro fertilization done, the doctor gave us the choice to try one or two embryos. Thankfully, our doctor was of the morally sound variety and wouldn't have inserted more than two embryos even if we begged him. Somehow, I couldn't see my 4'9", petite wifey becoming an "octo-mom", so two was definitely more than enough. Statistically speaking, inserting two embryos would give us a better shot at becoming pregnant than one. But, of course that also came with the chance of having twins. And, if those embryos were to split, that could be four. Now, our other issue is that we have a somewhat small house. It's technically a three bedroom house, but one of the rooms is so small that forcing a child to use it as a bedroom would be like an 18 year+ jail sentence. Plus we eliminated the closet in that room in order to expand our tiny bathroom's closet.

Ultimately, we decided that implanting two embryos would be best. If we had twins, they'd just have to share a room for a few early years. If we had more than twins, well, we'd just have to start house hunting a bit sooner. Ultimately, finding a bigger house seemed like a piece of cake in comparison to all we had gone through so far in trying to get pregnant (bedrest due to excess ovarian fluid, a burst cyst, allergic reactions to the injections, etc...).

Happily, it looks like our cozy, little ranch house will suffice for now. The doctor confirmed that only one of the embryos had implanted. After careful monitoring, the odds of it splitting into two became less and less.

Throughout my childhood, I had grown up with two siblings, a brother and sister, who were 8 and 9 years older than me, respectively. Yet, due to the significant gap in our ages, sometimes it sort of felt as if I were an only child (unofficially speaking). My wifey was officially an only child.

We were both at peace with the news of there being only one little bun in the oven. Would we have been excited with two? Of course! But, one was better than none, and we were extremely thankful for the miracle we had been given up to this point.

So, now we knew that we'd only be decorating one nursery.

But, one of the most important questions was still on our minds.

What color would we be decorating the nursery???

--8 weeks--

The journey begins...

Tuesday, February 22nd, 2011.

With baited breath, I stood in my living room, awaiting my wife's arrival. This was THE day. The day when all of our hopes and dreams would become reality. Or, the day where all those hopes and dreams would horrifically spiral downwards into a pit of despair. It all depended on wifey's verdict.

I pretended not to notice when I saw her car pull up into the driveway. I hoped she couldn't see me peek out the window, trying to gauge her disposition. I casually strolled into the living room at the precise moment she opened the front door. Coincidence? Nah, it was totally premeditated. But she didn't need to know that.

I smiled at her. No response. I started to feel nervous as she began to shed her schoolbag and jacket. As she let them slump sadly to the floor, so too did my emotions slump. Her mannerisms told the tale...

The verdict was in. It failed. We failed.

She was not pregnant. I could see it written all over her face.

Two years. It had been two years since we first started trying to get pregnant. When we realized there were potential issues, we moved onto artificial insemination. My eyes were opened to just how touchy and painstakingly long infertility treatments could be. After four insemination procedures failed to implant/fertilize, we made the decision to move onto InVitro fertilization. That was an even longer, drawn out affair. Not to mention an incredible financial endeavor. Add to it the quite painful injections that I had to administer nightly to my wife and the stress of it all was beginning to take its toll.

I pulled her into a warm embrace, steeling my emotions, knowing I had to be strong for her.

"It's not fair..." She murmured quietly.

"It'll be ok", is all I could manage as I searched for an adequate response.

She continued, "You'll have to give me those shots for a really long time..."

My eyes grew wide as I slowly realized the cruel trick my wife had played on me.

"You mean it worked?!" I exclaimed, hope surging into my heart.

"It worked!" She cried, and we held each other in an emotional embrace.

Two years ago we had embarked upon a journey. It had been a long, hard road, but finally we could see our destination on the horizon. The promise of soon having our own child filled us with hope and renewed spirit.

It was just around the bend, so close we could see it.

Yet, unknown to us, we still had a long way to go...